insecurity verbalized

i've had this song on repeat since about August 15, 2010.

♥

Don't Let Go.

just saw this video on Kanye's Gallery Blog and, usually, i don't click on the videos that he posts because he has a sort of sick taste in gore and art that i don't understand, most of the time.. but this was a really cool video and the choreo was siiiiiiick, very precise moves and sharp motions =D .. (that's just the little cheerleader coming out of me)

i was literally watching this video slightly mesmerized by it.

anywho, enjoy.

OWWWW :$

ready?! search and find!! YALL tell ME why this picture is 24 karat fuckery.

this should be fun...

Blonde for Sale !!

my my, darling, where have all of your lovely loqs gone?

BYE BYE BITCHES !!

ok, so anyone that knows me and knows me WELL, knows that i am thee most indecisive human being alive. i went blonde back in March and i can personally attest to the fact that "Blondes Have More Fun". i'm not sure what it is about blonde that makes people extra complimentary.. like literally, EVERYONE loved me blonde and so did i =D .. people didn't even recognize me, it was like i was a totally new person! guys thought i was new to campus, girls were doing double takes.. my friends were passing me by on accident, it was great!!

...but then everyone around me started going blonde! i swear i saw more fried edges and bleached out locks than i've ever seen in life! i was so appalled. i'm not saying i'm a fashionista or trend setter and everyone is waiting for my next fashion move BUT, like when the fuck did all these folk decide to go blonde ironically around the same time as me? hmmm.. strange.

and then roots came in. at first, i didn't mind it.. it was cute, gave my hair some dimension but then Miami happened and the sun literally bleached my hair. so if you all can imagine me, 5 shades darker, black roots and bleach blonde frizzy curls, you'll understand why i started hating the blonde. i felt trailer park trash-ish. like the old white ladies with the frizzy bleached curls and that nasty orange tan with those deeeesgusting black roots. i felt hideous. needless to say, i came home and tore that weave out so fast it wasnt even funny. so i straightened my hair and it actually didn't look so bad so i opted not to get my roots done.

...and i continued to not get my roots done. i tried adding weave but it looked dumb cause it didn't have roots to the extent of mine and, look, it just looked bad.

then...

i wrapped all of that weave up into a cute bun and was reminded of how beautiful and exotic i look with dark hair! i rocked that bun for 4 days straight lol

then...

i got a hair appointment and got my roots done.

i won't lie. i liked it.

until...

i tried the bun again.

it looked SO BAD !! the brown was wayyyy too dark and idk why she put it over my ears !! (it was like when italian men start going gray and the sides are still dark but the top is salt and peppered.. works for them, me, not so much.) and the blonde was like wayyyyyyyyyyyy bright and my eyebrows were too black. ugh !! i was back to that fuckin trashy ass white trailer park look that i thought i had escaped by getting my roots done !!

luckily, i had an appointment 3 weeks down the road andddd i had been contemplating different darker looks for me. i figured since everyone loved me blonde so damn much, maybe i'd just add some lowlights. so i told Deana (my stylist) that i just wanted to tone my blonde down a little bit.. to like an auburn-esque red; you know, for the fall.

thus!!

after much thought, i realized that i was only keeping the blonde because i'd received much praise for doing so. i believed that my hair was making me beautiful and not the other way around. the hair was making the girl, the girl was not making the hair. i had been talking about going back to brown for quite some time which means, to me, that i actually wanted to do that. i wasn't, so much, loving the blonde anymore and in order to make Lesley happy, i went red. i've ALWAYS wanted to be a redhead and i finally got up enough guts to do it :]

i've never liked my natural ashy dirty blonde hair color, and black washed me out.

blonde made me look a little trashy at times and showed ALL of my split ends

sooooo. red is like the PERFECT middle man ;]

i believe that everyone has a color that best accents their skin tone, and it's not always their natural color. blonde works for some people and it was cute on me for the time being, but i really feel sexy as a redhead.. and my hair is shinier than ever !!

on the road to self-validity and self-actualization, red hair was stop numero uno =D

♥

not as many compliments on my hair this time around BUT I LOVE IT !!

and that's all that matters

Quickie w/ my Fuck Me's

just grabbed these glammed out glitzy bitches today =D

i've had my eye on a similar Baker's pair for a little over a month but Baker's shoes are fucking bricks; cute, adorable, must have bricks.. hardest shoes i've everrrrrr worn, in life !!

so, needless to say, they remained in Baker's ..buuuuut due to this weekend's events, i needed a shoe for tonight and was given the idea to go shiny with this blue

American Apparel dress that i've had for a strong 5 months now

thus, this relationship was born

i absolutely love them and they WILL be getting extreeeme rotation

the chunky, stiletto, stripper-esque nature of this shoe automatically qualifies it as a Fuck Me Pump

...and everyone (should) knows i love a good FMP

PLUS !!! I GRABBED SOME AWESOME CLOGS !!

those will get blogged later, i just had to get this lil quickie in before i went out ;)

pics coming soon!

♥

APPRECIATION !!!! *edit*

i just need all four of my blog followers to know that i truly appreciate you guys !! =D thanks for paying my blog some love and attention =D

@juhstys

@boooogiebetch

@AC_SLAAATER

@isupermansam

love u guys !

OKOKOK... ima lil too hype, but whatever.. hope to get four more asap!

♥

FALL WISH LIST

Summer's coming to an end and i can't necessarily say that i'm sad.. i FUCKING LOVE THE FALL !! =D it's by far my favorite season. it's beautiful! the colors, the smells, the food, the holidays, the weather, the FOOTBALL, the clothes.. ughhh, i love it all. there's just such a warm environment about the fall to me.. you get to be with your family, school starts back up, homecomings, traveling, and not to mention that refreshing, cool Saturday morning; that perfect football weather! ohh the memories... too bad winter is the following season =/

so with all of that being said, here's a few things that i've been lusting over thus far:

all item brands, styles, and colors are subject to change..

Tickets to the Dallas/Skins season opener in DC

i plan on being in attendance adorned in Cowboys paraphanel and possibly face paint.. like why not, right? fuck it.

a fitted Black Blazer

for obvious reasons, i am in DIAR need of a black blazer.. i'm trying to dress more mature and give myself a style that i feel both sexy and comfortable in

and besides, it has become a staple in every woman's wardrobe to date and it adds a bit of sophisticated sexy to any outfit from jeans and a V to a fun flowy belted dress

these SPECIFIC THREE Jessica Simpson shoes

i've been dyinggggg for a clog since about 2008 and now that they're back in style and in just about every shoe store these days, IM GETTING A PAIR !! ...or two ;]

i secretly still love bell bottom and flare jeans (hate fuckin bootcut) and none of my heels are appropriate for such denim except for a clog.

however, the infamous skinny jean will still reign supreme in my wardrobe...

i've needed a shoe like this just because! it's fucking amazing! it's chunky, it's high, it's sexy, and it'll go perfect with knee high white socks =D ! *don't judge me* i've been tryna do that look for a good minute ! (since damn hell 07) and damnit, i'm getting these

and these... for no other reason that EVERY girl should have a Fuck Me Pump and i'm in need of a new one.

of course.. there's a few more things that i need that i can't quite find online right now cause i'm tired of looking and sitting still and these nails are too long for me to continue typing... they're driving me mad.

i'll keep u 3 updated! =D

oh yeah.. and they will all be getting purchased THIS WEEKEND !!

i can't wait to go fall shopping ! eeek !!

=D

♥

i've been having quite the day today. already. couldn't get any sleep last night (again) so i get up and try to do something productive to relieve my mind of this self-imposed stress and look at me; sitting my ass down to blog in a cluttered room full of clothes filled trash bags, and unmade bed, and a dying computer.. apparently, my idea of some things differ from those around me. duh, right? but no, i just feel like there's certain people in my life that i shouldn't have to put on a facade for thus explaining why i act my normal, spazztic, 'annoying', fucked up minded, opinion spewing self. now, the fact that this hasn't worked out for me in past circumstances, idk why i continue to act the same way expecting something new to happen. that's the definition of insanity and i may very well be insane...

usually, if i have an issue, i want to talk it out (argue) and get a result out of it.. a reaction; be it from myself or the other party.. either way, i don't like holding things in. i used to not say things and then allow them to blow up later and that wasn't exactly working for me either. soo yesterday, instead of the Lesley Approach to an issue, once there was silence... there remained silence... for 3 hours and 26 minutes. now if u know me AT ALL, u know that that's a FEAT for me. anywho.. i feel like i've tried his method for solving things and it isn't working for me. there's no reason that i should go to sleep mad.. but that's just my philosophy on things. like i said, people have other opinions on how one should deal with conflict; some leave it alone, others forget about it, while i dwell on it, think about it, and constantly want to resolve it.

like i said, this never works out in my favor.

and it's still not.

rant.

sooo, i haven't posted anything in quite some time, mostly, due to my extreme laziness. i have, however, come across a couple cool websites and bloggable clothes, videos, and music .. i just haven't felt like sitting down and blogging any of it. so here's a short explanation of the logical madness swirling around in my head..

i've noticed that i only like to blog, tweet, facebook stalk, and surf other blogs when i'm by myself.. which is weird because i hate being by myself. i guess it's some only child syndrome shit from my childhood that i never got over. but anywho, i've also realized that i do a lot of trying to "keep up with the Jones'" .. if i see it on another computer getting blogged or i get shown something cool, i automatically don't want to blog it because it got done before me and i feel like a biter =/

i see a lot of stuff on Kanye's blog that i want to post and i have a ton of pictures of things that i think are really bitchin! i just never find the time, energy, or reason to blog it..

i've recently been told that i have entirely too many self-imposed rules and that i need to break them.. along with all of my stereotypical ideologies of beauty, art, clothing, and just LIFE in general.

now, seeing as only about 4 people have visited my blog and told me .. and only 2 FOR SURE check my blog daily, and only 2 people have commented on my blog..

no one reallyyyyy cares wtf i post

i think i kind of like that. i've been trying so hard to subconsciously please everyone else and trick them into going to my blog and delving into "my mind" that i've lost sight of why i created a fucking blog.. TO BLOG COOL ASS SHIT !! =D

i've been doing a lot of soul searching lately (in private lol) and i think i'm starting to find myself a little bit more each day. i've noticed that i can easily get lost in the thoughts others impose on me and ultimately lose the REAL me. i'm about 3 or 4 years deep into the lost Lesley (hehe that sounds cool) which is kind of a reverse effect of what college is supposed to do.. most people find themselves in college... i guess it just took me a little longer and a stronger mindset. so, with that said, i will be doing more each day to find myself and maintain an ambience of LESLEY and nobody else. i seriously think that this is a breakthru for myself =D i've tried new things with my hair and clothes.. went back to how Lesley wears make-up and not how her gorgeous friends do.. oh !! and just yesterday... i went bra-less, and flaunted some side titty. at first, it was weird.. i felt like everyone was staring, so i "covered" myself for fear of the infamous 'Nip Slip' .. which subsequently brought on more attention.. but then i just let go (for lack of a better term) and to my surprise, NO NIP SLIP !

it was truly liberating

which brings me to my next subject.. my amazing Unicorn, Avante Booooger the Pandacorn. at first, i didn't want to blab about our mushy relationship on here cause i thought my blog might catch on a bit quicker (yeah, pfft, high hopes) but seeing as he's the site's #1 reader lmao i feel the need to say the thoughts i've been thinking anyway.. nothing mushy or anything.. it's just that he, somehow, sees the real me underneath some of my "phoney" ways, if u will and encourages me to do outlandish things, say how i feel, not allow people to walk all over me, and he encourages me to be comfortable with my body (hence the side titty) and he does it all without being judgmental and i love that about him. he also listens to me, and that's something about 3 people in my life do, and act on, effectively. for example, he comes out of the blue every now and then and shows me a new blog about clothes and fashion that might interest me and more recently showed me this insanely amazing blog called 2bitchezdeep that i am already in love with. he does plenty plentyyy more for me that i can't even scratch the surface on but whatever, i'm grateful and, even tho i'm an argumentative bitch :] i truly appreciate it =D

but enough of that shit, right?

blogger is taking foreverrrrr to upload these pics for me so i'll do it later..

patience is a virtue i have never possessed..... ever. so whatev

♥