i've been having quite the day today. already. couldn't get any sleep last night (again) so i get up and try to do something productive to relieve my mind of this self-imposed stress and look at me; sitting my ass down to blog in a cluttered room full of clothes filled trash bags, and unmade bed, and a dying computer.. apparently, my idea of some things differ from those around me. duh, right? but no, i just feel like there's certain people in my life that i shouldn't have to put on a facade for thus explaining why i act my normal, spazztic, 'annoying', fucked up minded, opinion spewing self. now, the fact that this hasn't worked out for me in past circumstances, idk why i continue to act the same way expecting something new to happen. that's the definition of insanity and i may very well be insane...

usually, if i have an issue, i want to talk it out (argue) and get a result out of it.. a reaction; be it from myself or the other party.. either way, i don't like holding things in. i used to not say things and then allow them to blow up later and that wasn't exactly working for me either. soo yesterday, instead of the Lesley Approach to an issue, once there was silence... there remained silence... for 3 hours and 26 minutes. now if u know me AT ALL, u know that that's a FEAT for me. anywho.. i feel like i've tried his method for solving things and it isn't working for me. there's no reason that i should go to sleep mad.. but that's just my philosophy on things. like i said, people have other opinions on how one should deal with conflict; some leave it alone, others forget about it, while i dwell on it, think about it, and constantly want to resolve it.

like i said, this never works out in my favor.

and it's still not.