Why are emotions so confusing? I’ve been racking my brain with thoughts on this topic for the last few weeks and I still haven’t come up with an explanation. I do believe that I make emotions much more difficult than they really are but why do I do that when I really know how it works, sort of. Anywho, maybe someone will agree with my latest tangent… or not.
What possesses the heart and brain to ever think that they can coexist? What makes one able to stare at another in a zombie-esque state of pure bliss and act as if nothing ever happened when the other stares back. I have no idea; could it be because one can’t handle exposing a heart so raw, because one can’t handle that another wouldn’t be able to handle raw emotions, or because one cant handle the tension of both hearts silently harmonizing? And why is that so hard? Not used to something so perfect so you question it. Question how real it could be, how sincere could one’s heart really be? Is this a routine or genuine? Who knows? I don’t ever know. I mean, I do know; it is me. I mean, when referring to my own circumstances. So that forces my heart to be guarded and forces me to question my own emotions.
I hate that I’m so fuckin over-analytical. Seriously, when does my mind have time to think negatively? I swear that I tell myself everyday, ‘just fall back, relax, things will fall into place’ and I never do. But the days that I do ‘fall back and relax’ things DO ‘fall into place’ so why can’t I take my own advice? I can sit outside of a relationship and explain what’s right and what’s wrong, but the minute I put myself into one, I lose my mind. I lose all prior knowledge of “relationship etiquette” and dive in headfirst with a blindfolded mind and exposed heart. I guess that’s what love is? Who fuckin knows. It’s intangible and yet you feel it? How does that even make sense? I’m not saying I’ve never been in love, or don’t like to be; I just hate the second-guessing, the stupid and awkward period when you don’t know if the feeling is mutual. Until that one moment when you both stare into each other’s eyes knowing what the other one is thinking but just waiting on someone to break. I mean, isn’t this how everyone feels? But THEN!! Now that love is involved, all hell breaks loose. Commitment with a title attached makes love so damn difficult. Everything is always sex and giggles until the ice is broken; once the second-guessing game is over a whole new can of worms is opened and now it’s politics. What can I get away with? What am I doing wrong? Why has he/she changed towards me? Will we stay happy like this? Or maybe that’s just my analytical think tank of a brain working o v e r t i m e. But why does my brain believe that it has any room in my affairs of the heart. If my heart wants to jump out of a plane with no parachute, then so be it. My mentality of love and emotion does not coincide with what my heart does on its own. Ughhh!
I don’t know much but I do know this; I believe in love and happiness and I always will. I’ve always worn my heart on my sleeve and I don’t plan on stopping. Everyone’s been hurt but it’s what you learn from the pain that matters. so don't be afraid to love, just LOVE.
...too bad i can't take my on advice.
lately, a lot of people have been buzzing about this dude. i saw him a few months ago on The Wendy Williams Show performing Lovlier Than You but forgot the name of the song when i went to go download. =/ now he's all over the radio with his latest single Nothin' on You (which i also diggg).. and a video i almost totally forgot about, I'll Be in the Sky (which sounds andre 3k/outkast-esque) all in all, this has lead me to download his new album. a bunch of nothing. from Les Murda on Vimeo.
